you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
