dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
