i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
