In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
