i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
