so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Is it because I queefed?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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