Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
