Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
