why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I need water and some morals
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
