let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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