I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
