I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
