When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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