he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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