Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize