You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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