i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
