you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
