i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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