Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
