At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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