shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize