Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
