im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
