I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
