he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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