I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
