weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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