I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
