For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
