I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
