...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
