in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You did what with his pubic hair?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize