so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
