The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
