thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
