I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He better not be in your backpack
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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