Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
