For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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