I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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