I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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