Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
