The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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