Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize