I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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