I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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