you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
