Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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