The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
