two words: eviction party
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
