butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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