Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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