he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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