barbara walters just said penis...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
