I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
