So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
