yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize