so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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