dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
