your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
