roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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