So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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