So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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