no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
