You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
