I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
