My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize